Andy Lien

Oh, I agonize metformin weight loss reviews over cooking with turkey.  Sometimes, I think I’ve internalized that it’s just not a Guy Thing to do.  “Real Men don’t cook with turkey.”

I know.  I’m not a guy.  It shouldn’t matter.  But it does.

Today’s recipe is for Turkey Chili.  And I feel like I’m subverting it.  Like I’m Andy in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” and, instead of finger sandwiches, I’m feed the card-playing guys Turkey Chili.  An abomination.

Chili has got “guy” written all over it.  Well before “A Man, A Can, and a Plan,” chili has been the domain of men.  Cowboys, grilling, Man Caves, tailgating, second bathrooms, and chili.

Pardon me.  It’s not just chili.  It’s Chili con Carne.

Chili with MEAT.  Not just meat, but beef.

Splitting hairs for a moment, what is not beef?  Poultry.  What is poultry?  Turkey.

So, what is not Chili con Carne?  Turkey Chili.

What is not manly?  Turkey Chili.

Sigh.

May my Women’s Studies major be taken away from me.  Again.  As usual.

I stayed home on New Year’s Eve.  My life wanted me to.  It was peaceful, it was chatty.  I spent the evening trading posts on Facebook with other friends who’d chosen to spend that particular Thursday night at home as well.  I also felt the drive to concoct the perfect Turkey Chili recipe.

Why Turkey Chili?

Because chili is a horrendously healthy and hearty meal with plenty of fiber and flavor.

Because when chili is made with turkey instead of beef, it earns a place in heaven by maintaining protein while losing most of the fat and calories.

Because it was a frigid night in Minnesota and I was hungry.

Because I had ground turkey in the freezer.

And…

Because it was a pride thing.  So many people poo-poo cooking with turkey because it tends to take on an unsavory grey pallor and become tasteless and rubbery.  I can’t disagree with the nay-sayers.  But, rather than concede to lackluster ground turkey substitutions forever and ever amen, I saw it as a challenge.  The Culinary Gauntlet had been thrown down.  And, I had a free evening after which I would emerge victorious.

I gathered up the ingredients, went over the game plan in my head, and set out to cooking up the best Turkey Chili I’d ever tasted.

Ingredients:

1 package Turkey Store ground turkey (do not use cylinders of cheaper ground turkey…it’s got Lord-Knows-What in it, and the fat content proves it)
6 cloves garlic, minced (or, as you metformin hydrochloride 500 mg can see, I use the vat from Costco…2-3 Tablespoons of it)
6 Tablespoons Chili Powder
2 Tablespoons Cumin
Random spices from my cupboard (probably about a teaspoon each of Cayenne Pepper, Smoked Paprika, Ancho Chili Powder)
1 Medium Onion, diced
2-3 32 oz cans of Tomatoes (unlike these photos show, use diced…or else you’ll spend too much time breaking up the whole tomatoes.  I also threw in 2 16 oz cans of fire-roasted tomatoes, so altogether, there should be 96 oz of tomatoes)
1 16 oz can Kidney Beans
1 16 oz can Great Northern/Cannellini or Pinto Beans
1 small can Green Chiles, diced
2 Teaspoons Salt
1/3 Cup Brown Sugar (or 1/4 if you prefer less sweet)
2 Teaspoons Black Pepper

Instructions:

Turn the burner on HI.  In a Dutch oven or soup pot, start cooking the ground turkey with the onions.  Take note right now, this is where the Turkey Chili becomes the best.  This is what separates it from the namby-pamby turkey chili recipes.  This is where TURKEY gets FLAVOR.  Before it gets too far along in its cooking, sprinkle it with all the garlic and spices so that the surface is well-coated.  Immediately.  Without fail.  Now.  Coat it.  Make sure the spices get inside the nooks and crannies of the pinkish-greyish-whitish meat and turn it reddish brown.

That’s it.  That makes it the best.

Anything else you do with the recipe from this point onward is entirely inconsequential.

Pour in the rest of the ingredients willy-nilly.  Don’t bother draining anything, the juices only add to the nutrition and heartiness of the finished product.  Bring the chili to a boil and then turn it down to LO.  Cover and simmer for two to three hours.  Stir it occasionally to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pot.

That’s it.  That’s how chili is done.  Heck, you can even substitute in beef for turkey and it would still taste good.  (Ahem.  I know.  Mockery is how I cope.)

For the singletons out there, I included photos of how I handle vats of food.  For the people trying to lose weight, how I handle vats of food is also handy for calculating calories.

This recipe made 14 cups of chifli.  To conserve plastic bags, I arbitrarily decided that each serving would be two cups that weighed in at 280 calories per serving.  (Add together the calories of all the ingredients, divide by 14, and multiply by two [or, if you take short cuts, add together and divide by 7...I don't care].)

See?  I did all that heavy lifting for you.

Fold down each bag half-way.  See photos.  Why you do this is so that you don’t make a stinking mess of yourself and everything you touch an hour away from your bedtime.  You’ll thank me.

Load each bag with two cups of chili, unfold sides, and seal it.  Throw any bags you won’t consume within 3 or 4 days into the freezer.  When you need them in the future, yank them out, thaw a bit, and microwave them (in a bowl, not the bag) until hot and hearty.  Voila.  Love in a bag.

From me to you.

Enjoy.

________________

Post Script:

Earlier this month, I was going to a Theology on Tap event in St. Paul.  My friend Bobby wanted to come along and we agreed we’d have a healthy dinner together prior to going to the event.  Being that he had to work that Monday and I had a full afternoon of apartment hunting on the schedule, I said that I’d just yank some bags of chili and bring them over to his place for us to enjoy.  With about 45 minutes between arriving at his house and leaving for Theology on Tap, we were able to heat and eat our supper.  A couple bites into it I mentioned something about turkey and he said, “Oh.  There’s turkey in this?”

RAH.

Best Turkey Chili Recipe Ever.