Letter from the Editor: Freedom to Marry and the Wedding Issue

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With all the talk of the freedom to marry, I can’t help but reflect on Lavender’s wedding issues.  This time last year, I was working on the first comprehensive wedding issue of my career. I was a basketcase over it. Everything in my life was about the wedding issue…wedding issue this, wedding issue that, I can’t…because of the wedding issue. I was pretty much a bride of a weddingless wedding. All things had to be considered: fashion, venues, caterers, bakers, accessories, etiquette, invitations, jewelry, politics, bars, photography, and family. The magazine was reorganized to span the different facets of weddings: Thinking, Planning, Making, Dressing, Celebrating, and Loving. The usual columns and coverage are only online for these issues, leaving the entire editorial space of the magazine to be all about weddings. I wanted to reinvent the wheel for this community; everything had to be considered.

We won awards for that first wedding issue. It was popular with readers and advertisers. One of my most cherished website comments came from that labor of love:

“Thank you for this issue! Seriously, perfect timing! My partner of nearly three years and I are having a commitment ceremony in May. Honestly, I have had a really hard time with the fact that it is not recognized legally, and it has been stealing my thunder. My friends (mostly straight) and family seem more excited than I am, and I believe it is for the simple fact that I feel like I’m having a dress-up day, not my wedding. My family is amazing and supportive, and all of my best friends are traveling here for the ceremony, and I’m ready to get excited! I guess my real reason for writing, is to say how wonderful and validating it is to see other same sex couples getting married, and to be reminded that it is not about the haters, it’s about us, and how much we love each other.” –Terra G.

While the articles, resources, marketplaces, and how-to guides in each wedding issue are important, my favorite section has been the Real Weddings section. This is where we showcase couples from our own community who commit to each other and throw a party for their friends and family to celebrate their love with them. Like Terra said in her comment above, it’s validating to see others doing what you want to do. I want people to see themselves in our pages…and the Real Weddings are the best way to do that.

We now publish two wedding issues a year; one in Spring for the warmer months and one in Fall for the colder ones. Very distinct styles and themes are necessary for very distinct seasons in Minnesota. That said, I am convinced that the subject of weddings deserves two issues (out of 26 a year) for a community that has be under-represented in the industry. Within a week of each of the wedding issues going to press, I’ve been contacted by someone asking if they could get a wedding into our Real Weddings section. We need two of them to keep up with the rate with which you’re tying the knot.

We need two of them to keep the GLBT community in front of the wedding industry as a reminder that this community matters, regardless of the legal status of the commitments.  We need two wedding issues in order to remind the public twice a year that two women or two men on a cover–who are clearly getting married–are visions that society

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needs to get used to; marriage may not be legal yet, but that’s definitely not stopping the people in our pages. And, we made sure to take the opportunity to leverage the fact that we had thousands and thousands of fall wedding issues on stands throughout the state the days leading up to Election Day that said “VOTE NO.”  That was a pretty dang good reason to have two wedding issues, if I say so myself.

 

So, this year, I encourage you to participate in our wedding issues. If you’ve been married in the past year, please consider sending us photos of your wedding for the Real Weddings section (the specifics are on our website). If you have a company or service that is a part of the wedding industry, consider advertising in the issues to tell our readers that you are supportive and welcoming of our weddings and our business. Show me your same-sex wedding products in case I want to share them with the community. Send your love stories to me for the Lavender Love section, so we can read about your relationships. This is your community. This is your publication. These are your weddings.

This is the year when it’s crucial to show our legislators that marriage matters to this community. I pledge to do my part.

With love,
Andy

Meet Ouie Pierre!

Check out the Ouie Pierre Photo Gallery at the end of article.

Ouie Pierre is one hot dog. He’s been in ads around the world and lives in Minneapolis with his daddies. Always ready with a killer-cute look or witty BOL (Bark Out Loud) comment, you can follow him on Twitter at @OuiePierre or find him on Facebook. This fresh French Bulldog is worth keeping an eye on.

What is your name?  
My name is Ouie Pierre, I’m an AKC registered purebred French Bulldog.

How do you pronounce it?
It’s pronounced oooo-eeee peee air.

How did you get your name? 
L’ouie means “hearing” in French, which is apropos since I have such big ears!

Nicknames?   
Daddies sometimes tell people I’m a French poop-n-chew…or they call me MonkeyButt!

Where were you born? 
Inver Grove Heights Animal Clinic. I still go there for all my appointments and they still remember me!

How old are you?
I’m 4.5 years old in 2-legged years…31.5 if you wanna go that 7-year thing regarding dogs.  I’ve also heard people tease my daddy that I have the legs of a 2-year-old dog since I get carried around so much.

Where do you live? 
I live in a condo just across the river from Downtown Minneapolis. I love seeing the sunset over the buildings  (except during the fireworks–they’re too loud for me but it’s amazing to sit in the living room and have them fill our view).

Who do you live with? 
I live with my two daddies, Jason and John.  I get to socialize with all my fur-friends that live in my building and in the neighborhood.

Career?
I mostly spend my days sleeping, but often find myself doing photo shoots and hanging out on sets! I haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up…but an only child is certainly one of them!

Most interesting thing you’ve done for your job?
I got to do an advertising campaign for the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas resort (it was a billboard in Vegas and was in W, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Sports Illustrated, Bon Appetit, The New Yorker, Wired, etc), and there were thousands of cakes and cookies in the penthouse…but Daddy wouldn’t let me try them.  I did get some of my kibble and some strawberries.  Afterward, Daddy brought me down to the slots–for luck–and he won a couple jackpots!

I just did a Minnesota Lottery Money Machine TV commercial. The money was blowing all over and Daddy held me tight as he jumped around trying to grab the money.  You might be seeing my face on some Davanni’s billboards soon, also!

Most exotic place you’ve traveled? 
We brachycephalic dogs (short muzzle and flat face) are no longer allowed to fly under the plane in cargo…so, luckily, I’m small enough to fit in a carrier under the seat of the plane and keep Daddy company on his journeys.  I’ve been to L.A. and Long Beach a handful of times; Las Vegas; Vero Beach, Florida; and up to Northern Wisconsin and Northern Minnesota.

Where do you stay when your daddies go out of town?
If they are both gone, I stay with Auntie Peggy.  She has a big fenced-in yard which is very different than my usual routine of sitting in the hallway, waiting for the elevator, and then going out!  If one daddy is home, then I get lunch-time snuggle breaks from Auntie Beth, Auntie Julie Ann, or Auntie Lisa!!

Front seat or back seat?
The second day Daddy brought me home, he had a death in the family and we jumped in the car and drove for four hours to Northern Wisconsin. We bonded as I slept curled up in his lap.  I like to think I helped him navigate in his time of need, also.  So now it’s usually the front seat, but he puts the back down in the Jeep so I have a bed and space to run around in the car if I want.  I also make friends with all the people at the drive-ups…sometimes I scare them at first, but then usually get a smile and a treat.

Where’s your favorite place to go for a walk in the Twin Cities?
I love walking just outside our front door, along the river by St. Anthony Main.  There are always other friends, runners, a horse-drawn carriage, festivals, and lots going on down there.

Best place to mark territory? 
There is a spot over at the U of M across from the Dairy Queen that has amazingly long soft grass…Daddies get their riDQulous treats and I leave one for the groundskeeper.

Best friends?
Well there is my G’ma’s dog, Sassy Cooper (though she is old and crabby and only likes people…what am I? Chopped liver?), and my friends Lee Roy the mini-dachshund, Ginger from Ollu, Atticus, Bogey, Coco, Peanut, Abbey, Ozzie and Lola. Those are just some of my fur-friends…for four-legged the list is toooooo long. I kinda like to put a smile on everyone’s face!!

What do you always say? Any phrases or quotes that are SO Ouie Pierre?
I coined the term “BOL” for “Bark Out Loud” for my Facebook posts.  And I usually sign everything “xx oop–because our time is shorter here on Earth–we are generally here to share our love.

Favorites:

Musician?
I rode in the elevator with the wonderful Olivia Newton-John and Daddy recognized her by her voice…Daddy’s version of “I Honestly Love You” sounds nothing like hers.  She has a doggie, also!

I love to listen to old R &B with Daddy; Dee Dee Warwick, Loleatta Holloway, Esther Phillips, etc…I also have a lot of Laura Branigan, Lisa Stansfield, Tanita Tikaram, Wendy Matthews, and Ingrid Chavez on my iPod.

Television show?
Daddy says I love all the shows on the USA Network, but I think I generally sleep thru most of them.  That is, until a commercial with an animal in it comes on…then I am up and scratching and barking at the TV.  Gotta protect my home and my Daddies.

Minneapolis or St. Paul?
Oh, I love all the Twin Cities and surrounding ‘burbs.  But if I had to pick one, Minneapolis, of course; that is where I have my lifetime dog license.

Place to curl up and nap? 
If I cannot find some rays of sun in our house, then either of Daddies’ laps is a perfect alternative (it’s actually my first choice – but I gotta keep them in line).

Facebook or Twitter?

Both, actually!  I have been posting photos and giving birthday wishes on Facebook for a couple of years.  I’m just trying to get the hang of this Twitter thingy – good thing I have lots of free time during the day.

Sports Player? 
I met Christian Ponder in Uptown last summer–he is a handsome one!  I also met Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and he called me a little critter–a lion would be a little critter compared to him.  I also met some of the Vikings Cheerleaders and they were nice.

Psychic?
Ruth Lordan is a friend of Daddy’s and she comes over and we chat.  She re-iterates how much I love them.

TV personality?
Chris Shaffer from WCCO is a fun guy!! I got to be the “on the spot ” photo for Father’s Day one year.   His lovely wife Gloria brought their three daughters to hang out with me and now they have their very own cutie patootie puppy named Bailey.

Hobbies?
I enjoy going to the Room & Board Outlet almost every weekend.  My pal Marilyn has a bag of my treats in her pouch (“treats” again…I’m starting to think it’s really just my regular food).  I get lots of kisses and pets from all the great people who work there.

I also make my daddies go to Estate Sales (NOT garage sales…one daddy says there is a BIG difference) and I help sniff out great deals.  The Estate Sales people are always so sweet and say they look forward to seeing me!

I like to sit in my mesh tent and watch daddies play tennis.  I think at first they thought I would be the perfect candidate for fetching their errant balls.  We had a talk and now they just promise to try to play better since that was not going to work out for me–all that running and sweating and fetching.

What’s your life aspiration?
Everyday that I make sure my daddies start and end the day with a kiss and a smile lets me know I’m in the right place.  I tried out to be a Therapy Dog but the mean lady said I couldn’t pass because I would not lay down flat on command. Hey, I just don’t wanna do that stupid trick…oh, well.  I have visited a few nursing homes and hospitals on my own.  Old people are good scratchers, too!!!!

I also want to do more helping rescue dogs find homes.  I have a line of blank greeting cards that I have donated for fundraisers and raffles. There are so many wonderful four-leggers out there that need someone to love them–they just might end up rescuing you!

What’s on your bucket list?
I was friends on Facebook with a dog named Bingo in Canada who had a lick-it list…we sent him some local treats for him to enjoy.  I have had such fun adventures, I am grateful for all my time here, and just want to love love love!!  I just thought of one thing and that would be to find a cure for my allergies! Boy, that would be nice!  I guess retiring to Florida sounds fun, too!

Oh…and I am working to end black dog discrimination!!!!  Two of the local animal agencies always say black dogs can’t model–they don’t want a black dog…if only you were cream or blonde…too hard to light…well, my daddy says to rent a few more lights or hire any of these awesome photographers who were quite capable of taking my picture!!  I have been photographed by Nadav Kander, arguably one of the top shooters in the world–he has also photographed the President of the United States!! BOL and a SNAP.

What’s for supper?
Blue Buffalo Wild Salmon, I LOVE it!!  Yet, somehow, all the treats I get look and taste exactly like my dinner kibble. Hmmm. I smell something fishy here!

From the Editor: A Little Nudge

I took my own advice and talked to some people about the freedom to marry. Let me qualify that statement: I’m always talking about it, but I really talked…you know what I mean. As much as I dislike the phrase “continue the conversation,” that’s what I did. I continued the damn conversation to move from voting against that amendment to extending the freedom to marry to same-sex couples. You know what?

It was really hard.

I spoke with multiple people so that nobody is singled out in this piece. What I noticed in having the conversations is that there is a disconnect with people. A disconnect that I didn’t expect. It has to do with the gravity of the situation. This is pure speculation, but I have two theories about this disconnect.

First, for the Democrats, it’s difficult to articulate that our chosen political party, particularly for the social liberals of the DFL, could prioritize civil rights to be addressed at an unknown date in the future. That shows a lack of priority. Talking to people, it’s too soon to do it this session, next session would be during an election year…and then the same two-year cycle starts again. There would be no convenient time, according to those parameters. Perfectly reasonable people (from legislators to laypeople) who believe in equal rights don’t see the immediacy and priority that should be given this situation–a group of people are being denied civil rights. Yes, there are other important issues to address in the state, but how much more important are they than civil rights? The budget? Jobs? Those are perpetual problems. Is asking legislators to multi-task too much of an overreach? Stop making excuses for the legislators. It doesn’t do anyone any favors. They’re big boys and girls and are paid to have the difficult job of representing their entire state of tax-paying citizens. Expect it of them, don’t ask it of them.

Second, I speculate that the Allies need a little nudge. I could get a fair bit of flak for this, but it’s critical to reiterate that civil rights affect this community every day. Allies were crucial to the VOTE NO campaign. Where we need to focus is moving Allies from voting no to supporting the freedom to marry…to supporting the freedom to marry now. Those who identify as Ally have all the best intentions for this community, but don’t walk in the shoes of this community.

I had a voicemail message that reduced me to tears a few weeks ago. A gentleman was expressing his frustration after contacting politicians about this issue and was met with some ambivalence, some resistance. Per Michael’s voicemail message (pg. 50) and our follow-up phone conversation, I heard and felt his frustration and fear. Recently, he and his partner had experienced a health-related issue for one of them that brought up medical issues and all sorts of “what ifs” in terms of what could happen to them today, now, next month. Because rights are tied up with marriage, this community is affected every day. It’s not necessarily only about having the right to get married as it is the right to be married and die married. People who aren’t living it can look in on it and feel empathy, but don’t really know what it’s like to feel helpless in doing something so basic as being allowed access to one’s beloved. Next year is not as crucial as this year, though both are necessary. And, I think that it’s something to gently mention to the Allies. Everyone could use the reminder, really.

Apparently, the legislation is going to be introduced this session to push for the freedom to marry for same-sex couples. In a two-prong approach to this issue, the legislators need to do their jobs and keep it on the table; but the public also needs to step up and show obvious and unquestionable support for legislation to allow same-sex couples to join marriage.

This brings me to a question: Where’d everybody go?

Remember when we could see a sea of orange and blue? I still see the bumper stickers as I’m driving around both here in the Twin Cities as well as in Duluth and up the North Shore. I’m sure they’re still in St. Cloud and Rochester and all sorts of cities and towns. Heck, when I’m visiting my parents, there’s at least one VOTE NO bumper sticker in Cokato. People still wear their t-shirts. Lawn signs are still up (even though it’s against the rules to have them up this long after an election…just so you know). We are still showing our disdain for that damned amendment, but where’s our support of the freedom to marry?

Maybe the Freedom to Marry Day at the Capitol on Valentine’s Day will bring with it some demonstrative swag.  I’d like some bumper stickers that look like the “VOTE NO” on top of “DON’T LIMIT THE FREEDOM TO MARRY” ones, but say “I DO” on top of “SUPPORT THE FREEDOM TO MARRY.”  I’d slap one of those on my Jeep faster than you can take the money that I’d pay for it. The same goes for t-shirts, as long as you make my size. Give me a Twibbon for Twitter and Facebook that says “I DO” right beneath my smiling face. By claiming “I DO” as a slogan, it’d subvert the traditional notion of marriage, but in a gentle and innocuous way–a way that’ll make sense to the future generations.  Need help designing the swag?  Let me know; one of my previous lifetimes was that of a graphic designer. I could design and get those to press in an afternoon. Well, almost any professional could. All you need to do is say, “Go.”

Why am I stuck on swag and promotional items?  For one thing, they’re obvious signs of support for the legislators. But, perhaps more importantly, I’m stuck on swag because people need something to speak for them. And I don’t blame them. The signs and t-shirts and politicized profile pictures do a lot of our heavy lifting for us. They’re like amulets. They give us strength. Message-wise, a change in logo also helps to fortify a change in mission: It’s no longer VOTE NO, it’s now all about supporting the freedom to marry. Become a card-carrying member of the movement. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Be a safe zone for those looking for strength in numbers. As voraciously as we bought up and gave out the VOTE NO items, the freedom to marry pieces could go just as quickly. And, with them, we can have more of those conversations.

I’m not going to tell you that these conversations are easy (not that the VOTE NO ones were). We still need to talk to people who don’t believe same-sex couples should join marriage. What’s different, though, is that the talks have to also happen with people we see as friendly, our allies in either political affiliation or Allies in self-identification. Talking to people about the importance of the freedom to marry and the priority of civil rights usually involves telling people they’re wrong. If it’s not explicitly said, it’s implied. It’s saying that by thinking the freedom to marry should be put off until after the important stuff is handled, you are incorrect in not seeing civil rights for what they are: priorities.

With you and with thanks,

Andy