From the Editor: Destigmatizing Significance

Big words. Bigger meaning. “Destigmatizing significance” has been a concept I’ve been mulling over since Sally Jenkins used it on February 10, 2014, in her piece in The Washington Post about Michael Sam coming out as the (likely) first gay NFL player. The piece is called “Michael Sam’s courageous decision to come out resonates from the NFL to Sochi.” She said that his “watershed act” has “enormous destigmatizing significance.” I could not agree more.

A definition of “destigmatize” keeps it simple in that it “removes disgraceful characterization” from something. Does this concept bring anything else to mind? I immediately thought of the Vote No and marriage equality campaigns that preceded the legalization of same-sex marriage in Minnesota. Remember those conversations we had with anyone who would listen (and some that wouldn’t)? They were a grand effort of destigmatizing significance. By putting faces to the people and relationships of the topics of same-sex marriage and equal rights, the conversations about why love matters to people who love people of the same sex removed disgraceful characterization of the GLBT community, one conversation at a time. But, with so many people out there having these conversations, the results were great and the ripple effect caused a sea change in Minnesota. Can we say that same-sex marriage is destigmatized in Minnesota? That the GLBT community is without disgraceful characterization? No, not entirely, but–like it or not–the legalization of it sure helps in legitimizing not only the relationships of this community, but the existence of the community, itself.

It seems that destigmatizing same-sex marriage perhaps had to come before we covered rainbow families more broadly. I don’t agree with marriage affecting the “legitimacy” or “illegitimacy” of children or families or bonds, but there’s a definite “horse” and “cart” in terms of the bigger picture in our culture. Marriage is what our culture tends to look to before it recognizes children as being part of a family unit, despite single-parent households and same-sex adoptive parents and surrogacy; despite the fact that so many families existed before same-sex marriage was–and is–legal. And now, after the legalization of same-sex marriage, we look to the increased cultural legitimization of same-sex marriage…and to the broader legitimization of same-sex parent families. That legitimization requires destigmatization: we must make these families more culturally significant by removing disgraceful characterization of them. And, to do that, we must continue to remove the disgraceful characterization of the GLBT community. It is probably more of an ongoing and circular issue than simply one of putting the horse before the cart.

Being a free magazine that is out on stands in hundreds and hundreds of locations as well as online, our audience could be anyone. I think about that as I plan content: what role does Lavender play as it is seen out in the wild? Does Lavender have “destigmatizing significance?” Can Lavender be a part of removing the disgraceful characterization of the GLBT community? Of same-sex couples? Of same-sex parent families?

Absolutely.

When we were working on this first Children & Family Quarterly and I was considering the Rainbow Resources spread, I had a thought that we should incorporate some more child-like designs. You know, for all the kids reading Lavender. RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS AND GLITTER AND SCRAWLY HANDWRITING. And then I remembered that kids aren’t really our audience. We can’t be everything to everybody, but we can be something to everyone who knows kids. I include some very adult topics in our issues and we throw in some swear words, so we couldn’t give ourselves a resounding kid-friendly rating. So, I kept my Backseat Art Director mouth shut and let the design fall how it may and it’s very “adult” and mature. I approve. It suits the audience.

And who is our audience?

Anybody.

There’s a difference between writing for an audience and recognizing who the audience actually is.

While we don’t write for kids, I hope that kids do pick up Lavender and see all of the examples of how to be part of the GLBT community that we present. Sure, there might not be rainbows or unicorns to signify what they should pay attention to, but they’re savvy. They can figure out what applies to them and what doesn’t. It may be in an obvious way, or an abstract way, or both. If they find a children’s book in this issue catches their eye, great. If their families look like Our Lavender Family in this issue, wonderful. But, if they read Nell’s piece about how ridiculous Putin’s anti-gay posturing is in Russia, even better. If they see themselves in any pages, in any way, that’s the best.

If kids feel less disgrace because of seeing themselves in our pages, we have truly achieved something of “destigmatizing significance” that will have lasting, cross-generational impact. If being a media platform of “destigmatizing significance” makes Lavender into the “gay propaganda” that Putin fears as having detrimental and negative impact on the children of Russia, then we are succeeding. If a kid sees in these pages that “It Gets Better,” we are succeeding.

Thank you for being part of the content that we package and re-present to the community, because the community–our wide audience–needs to see itself. It needs to see how the stigmas are loosening and being left behind. And it needs to continue this work to ensure that they stay left behind.

With you (and without disgrace),
Andy

Recap of January Event: Change Management in the Digital World

Brett Sandusky, founder of bdigitl Media Labs, showed us a brief history of publishing and discussed where many companies are stuck now. He asked us, “Why?” Why are we stuck where we are? Are we afraid of change? Do we not know how to change? Do we understand the possibilities for change? This led to a discussion of what new possibilities are out there – when you should dive in yourself and when you should hire someone else. Brett stated:

  • First, figure out what your obstacles are
  • Then, figure out what your opportunities are
  • Make sure not to “just follow” the same path as everyone else

Find your new comfort zones, using:

  • User-centered design thinking
  • Data pragmatism
  • Direct-to-consumer relationships
  • Technology
  • “Cleaning house”

Please see the slides from Brett’s presentation for more information on this topic, then listen to the audio recording. This material is available under Member Resources.

From the Editor: Redesigns & Fitness

So, how do we look? We’ve had a little work done. A little nip here, a tuck there…a new font here, some streamlined pages there. As promised, with our new programming and partnerships also came a little redesign. We took a little weight off the tops of the pages and put the contributors at the front while taking some weight off some fonts and adding strength in boldness here and there. How apropos for our first Fitness Quarterly.

Fitness. One of my least favorite “F” words. Some “F” words are fun and naughty to say, this one just makes me cringe. My story is not uncommon. Another “F” word is Fat. I started big, stayed big, and am big. I’ve tried not to be, many times, and will continue to try not to be. As you know, Yoda tells us: “Do. Or do not. There is no ‘try.’” I know. I just haven’t done it, yet. That “do” part is what gets me. He also says, “You must unlearn what you have learned.” That’s the bigger part of this challenge of “doing.”

I’m not going to say I’m not happy with myself. I mostly am. Except for that being overweight thing that I’ve thought about every single day since the second grade when I was first told that I was too heavy. Every single day. People, ads, media, clothing…so many messages telling me how I should or shouldn’t be. Because of this perspective, I won’t be the one on a soapbox telling anyone else how they should look or feel about themselves. It’s personal. But, because our persons are so obvious to others (and not easy to hide), the topic of bodies and fitness is often a public one.

The real bummer of it is, if fitness were based on something I like or had a natural inclination for, I’d be ridiculously fit. If fitness depended on whether or not I can sing the alto part to almost any song, given plenty of practice, I’d be a poster child for it. Or, if going on a really long road trip and having stamina for driving were the way to build muscle, I’d be ripped. Or, if going on month-long diets with 110% gusto multiple times a year could get me there, I’d be there.

But, fitness takes work. Fitness is uncomfortable. It can be klutzy and I have to learn how to do it to be safe. It is similar to things I like to do, like reading music and being good at singing and singing with other people–feeling teamwork and camaraderie–which could make it easy to continue doing on a regular basis. But it is not something I like to do, yet, and probably won’t be until I turn fitness into something that I like, that I’m good at, that I can do with other people and feel camaraderie. This will take some of that unlearning that Yoda mentioned. I have to unlearn my aversion to it and learn how to like it. I need to really understand how it will make me feel better, how it will even make me feel good.

And I’ve started this project of learning “Fitness.” Last year, I made the choice to start working with a personal trainer. It was a stressful time and I was trying to figure out how to work through the stress–by talk therapy or something else. Out of nowhere came the idea that I could probably work through the stress by working out. What? Me? The person who laughs at my friends’ sports injuries because “that doesn’t happen in choir” might actually do something athletic? I did and I don’t regret a lick of it. When I could’ve been at home noshing on whatever carb I could find as I pored through current events, I was instead at the gym…learning how to do Romanian deadlifts and use the workout machines. I was crunching numbers of reps and sets instead of chips. With each new exercise I learned, I also learned to have more self-respect for my body. I used to think that big bodies weren’t capable of being active without the real threat of incapacitating injury. It just ain’t so, and my trusted personal trainer helped me learn my body’s limits and warning signs…as well as its growing pains. What a freeing experience it’s been.

What people say about feeling better about ourselves when we work out turned out to be true for me. Sounds like a cliche–a trap!–but I felt semi-euphoric after working out. My steps felt lighter when I got off the elliptical (I think it was a physics trick or something). But, not just physically, my mental state improved. When I looked around and saw other people working out, I didn’t dwell as much on whether or not they were judging me, but I noticed that they were sweating, too. They had turned bright red like I did. They had to wipe their workout off the machine with the antibacterial spray and papertowels just like everyone else. Working out is messy. I get messy working out. But I am not a mess. I may be big, but I am strong. And I am getting stronger. And, to get back to our “F” words, that’s a BFD.

It’s up to you to decide if you want your own redesign. Is there something “wrong” when we want to revamp how we look? Not necessarily. It’s up to each of us to decide if and when and what constitutes an improvement in our lives. For me, I understand that food and fitness are two areas in which I would like to improve…I need to redesign my habits and behaviors to redesign myself. My content will be much the same, like this magazine, but I’ll look (and feel) a bit better. And I’ll be a whole lot stronger, too.

With sweat and thanks,
Andy