Most of the changes were predictable, some weren’t. Some photos didn’t change, particularly of those friends who I know are against marriage equality (who I hope to influence in positive ways). Other photos that didn’t change to the marriage equality symbol were surprising; there were people who are online often and are very interested in marriage equality that didn’t adopt this red and pink symbol like the rest of us. Mysterious. One of them who is a student in law school came right out and said that she obviously supports same-sex marriage, but not the Supreme Court…so she wasn’t going to change her picture. Another friend sent me a private message, not because I said a single thing about her non-uniformity, but because she trusted me. She told me that of course she is a supporter of marriage equality, but she was having liberal guilt for being a conscientious objector to changing her picture for a reason that was important to her–reason enough to not join in the sea of red and pink.

My response was (paraphrased): “Good call, friend. No matter what, this is the symbol that’s been embraced by the community. It is marriage equality this week.” She didn’t ask for my approval. She didn’t ask for my advice. She simply wanted to state to someone her reason for being a conscientious objector and I turned it around to say to her that no matter what her reason was, it shouldn’t be talked about…that the easiest thing to do is just be quiet and go with the flow.

What I did was inexcusable. It doesn’t fit into my values to silence a voice that is being critical in a respectful, thoughtful way. Usually, my knee-jerk reaction is to debate the topic, not to debate that the topic was even raised. My standard operating procedure is that I’m going to tell you that I don’t agree with you–and why I don’t–instead of telling you to be quiet. With her, I threw in the towel on her behalf and conceded that she should follow her own gag order.

When did this become acceptable to me as an option? Why did I do it? When did I turn from leading by example to actively encouraging a voice to silence itself? I had to look into myself and my motivations. For one thing, I didn’t understand what she was saying. I didn’t have time to look into it–I just knew that it was against the popular sentiment. To explain it would appear to be in opposition to the equality. But, more worrisome, is that I’ve seen a wave of “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” rhetoric lately, and it’s made me wary of expressing real, valid opinions.

The “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” rhetoric is easy to claim, but hard to defend. It’s isolating, by definition. It turns conversations into oppositional debates, needlessly. It’s a fallacy, because it can be untrue based on the conditions of what constitutes being “with” someone. And it puts fear where there doesn’t need to be more fear…implying that I should be afraid to be seen as against you. The peer pressure tactic is a poor one to choose, especially within a community that has been historically pressured to stay quiet and in a closet.

If you tell me that it’s good to present a united front when we campaign for the freedom to marry, I will agree with you. If you start putting conditions on what a unified front looks like, we’ll probably start disagreeing. If you then say that breaching those conditions of what a unified front looks like actually means I’m working against the campaign, I will reject that notion with confidence. You see, one can be critical of a movement one supports. It’s good to stay nimble in one’s beliefs. But, in our own community, there’s been a different model of intolerance that’s been rearing its ugly head, one that would place Lavender somewhere outside of wanting the freedom to marry, which is simply not the case.

I won’t lie. Controversy is not my favorite space to be suspended; it would be much easier to stick to the popular coverage and not defend any challenge or critique of what is popular and would mean a clear victory for equality. Freedom of speech isn’t easy and people will hear what they want to hear, regardless of what is said. Lavender’s printed 39 articles about marriage equality since Election Day of 2012. Of them, 29 have been easily pinpointed as being pro-marriage as the only option; 8 have been pro-marriage as the only option but critical as to how it’s being achieved; 2 have been pro-marriage, critical of the legislators and, therefore, positioning civil unions as a fallback if marriage isn’t going to have the votes. Really. I went back and read every single piece we’ve published and those are the most concise ways of describing the pieces and how they play a role in how we’re viewing the current campaign for marriage equality. Of these 39 pieces regarding marriage equality, 26 were written before the bills to legalize same-sex marriage were introduced in the House and Senate on February 28, 2013.

Between the beginning of November and the end of February, we were in limbo as a community, not knowing if we were going to have an organized campaign for the freedom to marry or who would be quarterbacking any legislation. We couldn’t not talk about what could be happening. So, we brought Brett Stevens on as a political columnist to push the topic. Being that the DFL is in the majority and has in its power to make marriage equality happen, a gay conservative columnist who is for the freedom to marry but critical of the party in power is a useful voice in the conversation. He may not represent 100% of us in 100% of our beliefs, but he represents a very real segment of our community and asks questions that many of us might prefer not to, despite wondering about them.  He’s asked when the will legislation be introduced. Will it be for marriage equality? Will DOMA be struck down on the state level regardless of the status of legalizing same-sex marriage? Will there be a contingency plan to get rights to this community if the party in power does not pass same-sex marriage this year? Will Minnesota step up and vote on same-sex marriage regardless of what the Supreme Court does?

It’s never been that the community deserves less than marriage equality. It’s that the party in power may not be able–or choose–to make it happen and, therefore, when and what will this community get?

We all have different opinions about the when, what, which, and how despite most wanting full equality. Please see each other as being with us, not against us, no matter how much critical thinking and second-guessing goes into the process of “continuing the conversation.” See each other for where we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going. To question authority and doubt its success does not make someone a “self-hating gay.”  To believe that the DFL will do the right thing and pass the freedom to marry does not make someone “naive” to the history of the movement. We’re all in different places and have different degrees of faith in the system working for us or not; but we’re in this together. Moving forward.

With you,
Andy

Photo via HRC

A wave of pink and red equality symbols swept over social networking this week on Facebook and Twitter as the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) gave us a symbol to represent our personal–and collective–quests for the freedom to marry. Facebook saw a surge of users uploading new profile pics which, though not mentioned in the linked article by ABC, coincided with the first day of the Supreme Court hearings regarding same-sex marriage, starting with Prop 8 on Tuesday and moving to DOMA on Wednesday. The HRC handed an amulet of sorts to the community and its supporters, one that had yet to be seen in on this scale in this current campaign toward marriage equality.

This national attention given to the HRC this week provides a perfect segue to give past-due praise to the Twin Cities HRC who received a record number of awards at the annual awards ceremony of the Human Rights Campaign’s 2013 Equality Convention in Washington, DC, early in March. Taking home fourteen awards, the Twin Cities HRC also received top honors of Steering Committee of the Year and Gala Dinner of the Year.

The fourteen awards presented to the Twin Cities:

• Special Recognition – Workplace Program Support
• Individual Achievement in a Ballot Initiative – Tom Knabel
• Individual Achievement in a Ballot Initiative – Steve Pospisil
• Special Achievement in a Ballot Initiative by a Steering Committee
• Political Steering Committee of the Year
• Excellence in Diversity and Inclusion
• Federal Club “Strive for Five” Excellence – Steve Pospisil
• Outstanding Leadership in Political Fundraising
• Stretch Goal Excellence – Political Fundraising
• “Full House” Award – Gala Dinner
• Corporate “Goalbuster” Award — Gala Dinner
• Dinner Co-Chair Team of the Year — Corey Smith and Arouna Phommasouvanh
• Gala Dinner of the Year
• Steering Committee of the Year

Of the 30 HRC Steering Committee cities in the U.S., the Twin Cities and Seattle took the most awards in this year’s ceremony.  “This is, by far, the most awards ever won by Twin Cities HRC,” said HRC Board member Les Bendtsen. “And our first ever Gala Dinner of the Year and Steering Committee of the Year awards.”

“We had a very motivated community in Minnesota during 2012,” said Board member Tom Knabel. “That, combined with the incredible dedication and hard-work of our local HRC volunteers led us to break local records in political organizing, fundraising and our Gala Dinner event.”

An exuberant Twin Cities HRC Steering Committee with their awards, photo courtesy of the Twin Cities HRC

According to Corey Smith and Arouna Phommasouvanh, co-chairs of the 2012 Twin Cities HRC Gala Dinner, our community and allies stepped up. The event was sold-out with 1,100 attendees, set a record for corporate partnerships, and raised more than $100,000 for Minnesotans United to help fund last year’s “Vote No” campaign.  By election day, HRC’s total contribution to the Minnesota effort had topped $1 million.

It takes a groundswell of support to do what Minnesota did when we rejected the marriage amendment in 2012, and the Twin Cities HRC has provided a great number of talented people who inspire others to strongly speak up and out for this community, whether it be at a fundraising gala or an afternoon of bowling for equality. The Twin Cities is fortunate to have these talented and professional volunteers with their eyes on Minnesota, the United States, and global human rights.

For more information about the Twin Cities HRC or if you would like to join, volunteer, or donate toward its efforts regarding the freedom to marry as well as legislation such as the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), the Student Non-Discrimination Act (SNDA), the Safe Schools Improvement Act (SSIA), and the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), visit the website at www.hrc.org/steering-committees/twin-cities.

Watch the HRC’s video of an historical year, making the way for much more progress to come:

We’ve taken this theme of examining weddings and marriage throughout history and applied it to the contents of this issue. In his cheeky way, E.B. Boatner looks at nomenclature and the difference between “marriage” and “civil unions,” particularly as the Associated Press (AP) is rewriting its stylebook to include “husband” and “wife” as acceptable when speaking of married same-sex couples. Pam Colby experiences a wedding through her sons’ eyes and reconsiders her own historical aversion to weddings, both queer and straight. John Townsend examines the ever-changing institution of marriage as written by Shakespeare and performed by Propeller in the current stage production of The Taming of the Shrew and Twelfth Night at the Guthrie Theater. Not only do we see an archaic view of dowries and arranged marriage, but we also see how Shakespeare’s plays were performed originally (by all-male casts), further throwing “traditional” marriage on its ear.  Wedding planners at Style-Architects and Fabulous Functions give tips and advice as to how to make your event be perfect for you–making your own history.

Not just our articles are rewriting history, but who you see in these pages of this issue represent significant changes in this community. We’ve partnered with more wedding industry professionals than ever who are standing up for same-sex marriage by appearing in these pages and presenting this community in their work. Union Depot and The Bachelor Farmer are old spaces made new–and they welcome the community for same-sex weddings. You’ll see in our pages a very significant and history-making set of ads with a red bullseye on them, indicating that Lavender, this community, same-sex marriage, and the wedding industry are clearly going in the same direction, as business is indicating.

Look to our pages as a shopper of sorts–I’ll claim that label and run with it. We cover a number of topics in our Editorial Calendar and feature many businesses and professions new to Lavender, as well as some of our own advertisers. This publication–most apropos of any publications–showcases advertisers who believe in us enough to step up and put forth their dollars to reach you as a valid demographic group that is worthy of money and attention. When Nick and James (“Showmance Turned Romance” on pg. 68) came in for their photo session, I got a great reminder of how Lavender plays the role of a shopping guide. They’d just picked up their wedding rings from one of our advertisers, T Lee, and were very excited. Nick and James were quick to tell me that they chose T Lee to custom design their rings  because she advertises in Lavender. That was a big bright spot in the week…and the rings are stunning, especially on the hands of two handsome men in love.

History is not just being rewritten in our pages, but also on our Facebook page and Twitter feed through the links and information that we post and repost from others.  We follow the movers and shakers in politics who are at the center of the action and act as a megaphone when their news hits the social networking wires.

Our website now includes articles from more than three magazines full of the topic of same-sex weddings and marriage.  LavenderMagazine.com is a resource library that is rewriting the history of this community and building upon years of knowledge from the viewpoint of being a marginalized group that is now moving toward the center.  Topics we’ve already covered in previous wedding issues are numerous, you can click on the category “2012 Wedding Issue” and get a long list of articles to help you navigate your way: Changing your name; different versions of make-up (camera-ready, beauty, and transformative); recipes and tips for throwing your own wedding; the legality of marriage; wedding etiquette; wedding fashion; great GLBT bars for bachelor/bachelorette parties; kids and same-sex weddings; how to make a more perfect union; various venues and caterers; budgeting tips; love stories; and many beautiful real weddings…all for the GLBT community. All for you.

2013 is a year that will hopefully rewrite history for same-sex marriage on both the state and national levels. Hold this magazine in your hand proudly as you look toward your own future and plan it. Plan your future. Same-Sex Marriage will be a part of it.

With hope and gratitude,

Andy

The Bachelor Farmer Afghan Room. Photo by John Reed Forsman

The Details:  

Is there space for a ceremony? Yes, there are a few different options for a ceremony setting.

Is there a dressing room? There is no formal dressing room. However, one of the smaller event spaces could be used as a private dressing room prior to a ceremony.

What is the rental cost and what does it include? None! There is no additional event space fee, there is just the standard food and beverage minimums. These minimums vary depending on which room the guest is interested in renting, and range from $1,000 to $5,000 per room. Full floor buyouts are also available.

Are outside wedding cake vendors allowed? No, all food and beverages are provided by The Bachelor Farmer. For wedding cakes, there is a special private dining dessert menu that offers a cake section.

Opening/closing time: The average is 5:30pm open to 11:00pm closing. However, there is some flexibility.

Minimum – Maximum # of Guests: The entire floor can accommodate 150 standing max. The max number of seated guests is 50 (due to the layout, seated dinners are only offered in the largest room).

Are there audio/visual services available? Yes, there are select a/v services offered through The Bachelor Farmer, and two of the rooms include projection screens.

Parking: There are plenty of nearby options, including street and surface lots.

Contact Julie Brousseau:
612.206.3932
julie.brousseau@thebachelorfarmer.com
www.thebachelorfarmer.com

The Bachelor Farmer Library Room. Photo by John Reed Forsman

The Bachelor Farmer Library Room, Couches. Photo by John Reed Forsman

Union Depot is currently renovating two new event spaces to host smaller groups. There will be a new conference room for groups up to 48, and a on the second level about the concourse there will be a fabulous new space to hold dinners up to 250 and cocktail receptions for up to 400. This space will have an amazing view of the Waiting Room. Both are scheduled to open Spring 2013.

Union Depot. Photo by Eliesa Johnson of Photogen Inc.

The Details:

Is there space for a ceremony? Logistically ceremonies could be held at Union Depot, however, no dressing rooms are available so it does not serve as an ideal location for a ceremony.

Is there a dressing room? No

What is the rental cost and what does it include?

Union Depot is currently offering an introductory rental fee of $1,000. This includes security, housekeeping, an engineer and event personnel.  Equipment, such as tables, chairs, linens, dishes, etc., must be arranged with vendor from Preferred Vendor List.

Opening/Closing Time: Union Depot is open 24 hours.

Approved Caterers: As a new venue, Union Depot is currently working on putting together Preferred Caterer and Preferred Vendor lists. These lists will be available in April 2013.

Minimum – Maximum # of Guests: This is dependent upon the room and room set up.

Conference Room: Up to 42, 2nd Level Concourse: 250-400, Waiting Room: 1,000+

Are there audio/visual services available? Yes, a/v services will depend on which area and set up is chosen.

Parking: There are plenty of nearby options, including street and surface lots.

Contact:
(651) 202-2700
info@uniondepot.org
www.uniondepot.org

I am writing this letter to you because you will have very important decisions to make with regard to the GLBT community in our state in the upcoming days and weeks, from committee sessions to the floors of your chambers. You will be facing exciting opportunities and challenges as elected representatives of the State of Minnesota. I want to extend my gratitude and appreciation for you and what you do.

I understand what it’s like to work for a diverse population of people. The GLBT community is not homogeneous, but rich with different groups within groups that are unified by the common topics of sexual identity, gender, and orientation. I live in the area that I represent and walk into the restaurants, bars, co-ops, grocery stores, churches, parks, and other places where I run into our readership. I am a part of our readership and I am friends with many in our readership. I see the interactions on Facebook with people in the community and face the music of this magazine’s decisions just as you do as a representative in Minnesota. Like you, I know that we more often hear the points about how we can improve over how well we’re doing. Like you, I am privy to more information than ever–confidential, embargoed information–that makes it difficult to sort out what should be discussed and what should remain in the background. Like you, I imagine, I have never held as important a role as this.

Like you, I have other things to do than talk about Same-Sex Marriage (I said “other,” not “other more important” things).  We put out 26 issues a year according to our Editorial Calendar and they cover an array of topics relevant to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Ally members of our state–and beyond, thanks to the internet. I work on my budgets, I hire and seek out talent, I talk to our readers, I research topics, I go to photo shoots, I attend fundraisers, I write correspondence and articles. I conduct interviews. I make countless decisions a day. Like you do. And, like you, I have been presented with the crucial topic to cover: Same-Sex Marriage. I make room for it. It is history in the making. And, like us, the rest of the GLBT community has other things to do, too.

Like us, the people of the GLBT community are busy living their lives. These lives might be those of single people who are looking for love, coupled people who have found it, or people who are indifferent to the subject of love. This community has people of different races, creeds, political parties, income levels, education levels, and any other demographic element that can be measured. This community is comprised of your constituents who pay taxes and have an effect on every industry and neighborhood of Minnesota.  There are more of us than you can see, as being open about being GLBT is still risky…but becoming less so each day that passes.

For the people who Same-Sex Marriage will not affect, it is an abstract idea–something unknown to fear or find threatening. You have the opportunity to help them form their opinions on the matter. No, conversations with people may not result in a “You’re right–I guess I hadn’t been looking at it that way” from people, but you will have led by example and assisted in making room for a broader consideration of the topic. Did you notice how Governor Dayton so effectively handled it in his State of the State address?  “Let me mention one other cause, which is controversial but consistent with my faith and my principles and, more importantly, consistent with this country’s founding principles and its Constitution. I believe that every Minnesotan should have the freedom to marry legally the person she or he loves, whether of the same or other sex.”  What he did there was to 1.) validate that it is controversial at this time, 2.) own that he has a faith and this position is in alignment with his faith, and 3.) make it clear that this is a matter of justice and rights as consistent with the Constitution. He did your heavy lifting by giving you clear leadership in this matter. Please pass that leadership and fortification on to the people you represent.

You must lead and educate your constituents in this issue, just as with any other issue that they may not be familiar with. Educate yourself so that you are confident when you respond to your constituents. This will not affect opposite-sex marriages. No clergy is forced to perform marriages that they do not want to perform. There is a separation between Church and State that isn’t just a suggestion, it’s a requirement. The Supreme Court may or may not address the rights of Minnesotans, so we shouldn’t wait for them to do the work for us. These are not “special” rights that are being sought. We won’t be wanting to legalize polygamy or bestiality if this legislation passes. There is so much out there in life for which there isn’t a gene, but is very real and valid, anyhow. Same-sex parents are already raising well-adjusted and healthy children.  And, if you’re really interested in educating your people, take it a step further to not only dispel rumors, but also tell them how allowing same-sex couples to join marriage will be beneficial to the welfare of our society and boost the economy. We’re talking about people and relationships that exist and deserve to be recognized as assets to our civilization. Stand up for this community and lead your people in the direction that society is already going.

Let me acknowledge that you might feel a bit like a lone voice in the wilderness. I understand this, too. Putting out a Wedding Issue for a community that can’t get married seems a little crazy, but Lavender’s been doing it for years. First, on a smaller scale with a few articles in a particular issue…but, as of a year ago, we’ve put out two comprehensive, single-topic issues about weddings for the GLBT community and we’re looking forward to the best one yet, coming out in two weeks. To be a leader is to look at the future and determine where we are going. Looking at the signs around us in our culture and forming a vision of what can feasibly happen is crucial to leadership. In this specific case of same-sex ceremonies and weddings, the signs are clear: people are already celebrating their relationships with these types of ceremonies. The laws will follow. That’s where you come in. And that’s where we need you to join us in this vision of legalizing Same-Sex Marriage.

To say that campaigning and voting for Same-Sex Marriage is an “overreach” is the same kind of thinking that diminishes a conversation to the same effect as “homosexuality is a choice.”  It stops the conversation where it is and doesn’t give it the attention it obviously deserves, the attention it demands. The people to whom social justice and equal rights is an overreach are the people who will never see its merit. They will never “be ready” for this. I’m guessing that they don’t know anyone who is openly gay or lesbian because, if they did, they’d know that the most effect this legislation would have on their lives is that they might have more weddings to attend.

To the GOP, let me encourage you that by voting for Same-Sex Marriage, you will be fully claiming both an existing and a new group of GLBT supporters who align with your conservative values but have been waiting for you to step up to take this liberty-furthering measure.

To the DFL, voting for Same-Sex Marriage aligns with your DFL values and those of your Governor. You are in control as the majority and will be held to a higher level of scrutiny and accountability if Marriage does not prevail. Claim your leadership role and bring your state to where it needs to be in this Civil Rights movement.

As a leader in the media, it is my responsibility to make sure Lavender discusses the hard topics in addition to covering its usual editorial calendar. When you’re home for the summer with your constituents, I know that your job isn’t on hiatus–you’re still working.  Know that I will be, too, and we’ll be covering whatever transpired in these next few months; hopefully, with glory, laud, and honor.

There are always risks in any job, but I will never shirk away from doing the right thing because of those risks. I hope you can see your role in a similar light and do the right thing by voting to legalize Same-Sex Marriage in Minnesota.

With hope and gratitude,

Andrea Lien, Managing Editor
Lavender Magazine

_______

Related: Those of us from outstate Minnesota must go home and “be unapologetically normal.” More in
“Happy New Year,” Issue 434, January 12, 2012.

It’s fairly easy to see members of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus when they’re wearing their black “MARRY US” t-shirts. Attractive and eye-catching, the attention is drawn to the big white block letters across the front of the shirts with the political statement that elevates the visibility of the Freedom to Marry campaign.  Now, there’s an entire photography project that takes the striking visual elements of those beautiful people in black and white t-shirts to a larger audience.  In the black and white photos by B.D. Portraits Photography, the people wear black t-shirts and across the picture are the words “MARRY US.” Meant to take advantage of how easily pictures can be shared and spread across social networking, the free photography will hopefully make this message of beauty and marriage rights widespread and oft-seen.  Here’s a short Q&A with Jeff Heine and Christopher Taykalo of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus, and the photographer, Brent Dundore of B.D. Portraits Photography:

Q: What is MARRY US?

A: The MARRY US campaign is a partnership between the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus and BD Portraits Photography Studio in collaboration with Minnesotans United for All Families to raise awareness and promote marriage equality for all.

Q: How did MARRY US start?  How is the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus involved?

A: In 1995, when Dr. Stan Hill (the recently retired Artistic Director of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus) was the Artistic Director of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus, he commissioned a piece called “Marry Us” which was part of a larger choral work called “NakedMan” which has become an important work in gay choral literature. In response to the Minnesota Legislature’s vote in Spring 2011 to place a constitutional amendment on the November 2012 ballot to define marriage as between one man and one woman, Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus decided to sing “Marry Us” at all performances in the 2011-12 concert season and at rallies and gatherings of people who were opposed to the amendment up until election day. The song’s demand for equality is summed up in the final line: “Marry us, today!”

Q: Who’s involved in the MARRY US campaign? Where do you see it going?

A: Former Los Angeles celebrity and fashion photographer Brent Dundore (BD Portraits Photography Studio) has joined forces with TCGMC to create the MARRY US campaign. Brent, a Minneapolis resident and singing Chorus member, fought for marriage equality in California and witnessed what happened with Proposition 8 firsthand. Now that the vote on the amendment is behind us, we hope that the MARRY US campaign will encourage people to contact their representatives and senators in the Minnesota legislature to vote in support of marriage equality and join the 9 states who already recognize marriage equality.

Q: What are the most important aspects of the MARRY US campaign?

A: The combination of the musical message of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus and Brent Dundore’s images of Minnesotans – gay and straight – who support marriage equality are powerful symbols of love and inclusion.

Q: What would you like the public to know about the MARRY US campaign?

A: Please like the campaign’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/marryuscampaign) for more information on MARRY US and where you can get your picture taken. You can also learn more on our website: www.marryuscampaign.com to find out where we’ll be taking pictures next. You can buy MARRY US T-shirts to show your support of the campaign at www.TCGMC.org. Do you have an event where a MARRY US shoot would be appropriate? Contact the photographer and check out his work at BD Portraits Photography Studio’s website: www.BDportraits.com.

With all the talk of the freedom to marry, I can’t help but reflect on Lavender’s wedding issues.  This time last year, I was working on the first comprehensive wedding issue of my career. I was a basketcase over it. Everything in my life was about the wedding issue…wedding issue this, wedding issue that, I can’t…because of the wedding issue. I was pretty much a bride of a weddingless wedding. All things had to be considered: fashion, venues, caterers, bakers, accessories, etiquette, invitations, jewelry, politics, bars, photography, and family. The magazine was reorganized to span the different facets of weddings: Thinking, Planning, Making, Dressing, Celebrating, and Loving. The usual columns and coverage are only online for these issues, leaving the entire editorial space of the magazine to be all about weddings. I wanted to reinvent the wheel for this community; everything had to be considered.

We won awards for that first wedding issue. It was popular with readers and advertisers. One of my most cherished website comments came from that labor of love:

“Thank you for this issue! Seriously, perfect timing! My partner of nearly three years and I are having a commitment ceremony in May. Honestly, I have had a really hard time with the fact that it is not recognized legally, and it has been stealing my thunder. My friends (mostly straight) and family seem more excited than I am, and I believe it is for the simple fact that I feel like I’m having a dress-up day, not my wedding. My family is amazing and supportive, and all of my best friends are traveling here for the ceremony, and I’m ready to get excited! I guess my real reason for writing, is to say how wonderful and validating it is to see other same sex couples getting married, and to be reminded that it is not about the haters, it’s about us, and how much we love each other.” –Terra G.

While the articles, resources, marketplaces, and how-to guides in each wedding issue are important, my favorite section has been the Real Weddings section. This is where we showcase couples from our own community who commit to each other and throw a party for their friends and family to celebrate their love with them. Like Terra said in her comment above, it’s validating to see others doing what you want to do. I want people to see themselves in our pages…and the Real Weddings are the best way to do that.

We now publish two wedding issues a year; one in Spring for the warmer months and one in Fall for the colder ones. Very distinct styles and themes are necessary for very distinct seasons in Minnesota. That said, I am convinced that the subject of weddings deserves two issues (out of 26 a year) for a community that has be under-represented in the industry. Within a week of each of the wedding issues going to press, I’ve been contacted by someone asking if they could get a wedding into our Real Weddings section. We need two of them to keep up with the rate with which you’re tying the knot.

We need two of them to keep the GLBT community in front of the wedding industry as a reminder that this community matters, regardless of the legal status of the commitments.  We need two wedding issues in order to remind the public twice a year that two women or two men on a cover–who are clearly getting married–are visions that society

needs to get used to; marriage may not be legal yet, but that’s definitely not stopping the people in our pages. And, we made sure to take the opportunity to leverage the fact that we had thousands and thousands of fall wedding issues on stands throughout the state the days leading up to Election Day that said “VOTE NO.”  That was a pretty dang good reason to have two wedding issues, if I say so myself.

So, this year, I encourage you to participate in our wedding issues. If you’ve been married in the past year, please consider sending us photos of your wedding for the Real Weddings section (the specifics are on our website). If you have a company or service that is a part of the wedding industry, consider advertising in the issues to tell our readers that you are supportive and welcoming of our weddings and our business. Show me your same-sex wedding products in case I want to share them with the community. Send your love stories to me for the Lavender Love section, so we can read about your relationships. This is your community. This is your publication. These are your weddings.

This is the year when it’s crucial to show our legislators that marriage matters to this community. I pledge to do my part.

With love,
Andy

Ouie Pierre. Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Check out the Ouie Pierre Photo Gallery at the end of article.

Ouie Pierre is one hot dog. He’s been in ads around the world and lives in Minneapolis with his daddies. Always ready with a killer-cute look or witty BOL (Bark Out Loud) comment, you can follow him on Twitter at @OuiePierre or find him on Facebook. This fresh French Bulldog is worth keeping an eye on.

What is your name?  
My name is Ouie Pierre, I’m an AKC registered purebred French Bulldog.

How do you pronounce it?
It’s pronounced oooo-eeee peee air.

How did you get your name? 
L’ouie means “hearing” in French, which is apropos since I have such big ears!

Nicknames?   
Daddies sometimes tell people I’m a French poop-n-chew…or they call me MonkeyButt!

Where were you born? 
Inver Grove Heights Animal Clinic. I still go there for all my appointments and they still remember me!

How old are you?
I’m 4.5 years old in 2-legged years…31.5 if you wanna go that 7-year thing regarding dogs.  I’ve also heard people tease my daddy that I have the legs of a 2-year-old dog since I get carried around so much.

Where do you live? 
I live in a condo just across the river from Downtown Minneapolis. I love seeing the sunset over the buildings  (except during the fireworks–they’re too loud for me but it’s amazing to sit in the living room and have them fill our view).

Who do you live with? 
I live with my two daddies, Jason and John.  I get to socialize with all my fur-friends that live in my building and in the neighborhood.

Career?
I mostly spend my days sleeping, but often find myself doing photo shoots and hanging out on sets! I haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up…but an only child is certainly one of them!

Most interesting thing you’ve done for your job?
I got to do an advertising campaign for the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas resort (it was a billboard in Vegas and was in W, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Sports Illustrated, Bon Appetit, The New Yorker, Wired, etc), and there were thousands of cakes and cookies in the penthouse…but Daddy wouldn’t let me try them.  I did get some of my kibble and some strawberries.  Afterward, Daddy brought me down to the slots–for luck–and he won a couple jackpots!

I just did a Minnesota Lottery Money Machine TV commercial. The money was blowing all over and Daddy held me tight as he jumped around trying to grab the money.  You might be seeing my face on some Davanni’s billboards soon, also!

Most exotic place you’ve traveled? 
We brachycephalic dogs (short muzzle and flat face) are no longer allowed to fly under the plane in cargo…so, luckily, I’m small enough to fit in a carrier under the seat of the plane and keep Daddy company on his journeys.  I’ve been to L.A. and Long Beach a handful of times; Las Vegas; Vero Beach, Florida; and up to Northern Wisconsin and Northern Minnesota.

Where do you stay when your daddies go out of town?
If they are both gone, I stay with Auntie Peggy.  She has a big fenced-in yard which is very different than my usual routine of sitting in the hallway, waiting for the elevator, and then going out!  If one daddy is home, then I get lunch-time snuggle breaks from Auntie Beth, Auntie Julie Ann, or Auntie Lisa!!

Front seat or back seat?
The second day Daddy brought me home, he had a death in the family and we jumped in the car and drove for four hours to Northern Wisconsin. We bonded as I slept curled up in his lap.  I like to think I helped him navigate in his time of need, also.  So now it’s usually the front seat, but he puts the back down in the Jeep so I have a bed and space to run around in the car if I want.  I also make friends with all the people at the drive-ups…sometimes I scare them at first, but then usually get a smile and a treat.

Where’s your favorite place to go for a walk in the Twin Cities?
I love walking just outside our front door, along the river by St. Anthony Main.  There are always other friends, runners, a horse-drawn carriage, festivals, and lots going on down there.

Best place to mark territory? 
There is a spot over at the U of M across from the Dairy Queen that has amazingly long soft grass…Daddies get their riDQulous treats and I leave one for the groundskeeper.

Best friends?
Well there is my G’ma’s dog, Sassy Cooper (though she is old and crabby and only likes people…what am I? Chopped liver?), and my friends Lee Roy the mini-dachshund, Ginger from Ollu, Atticus, Bogey, Coco, Peanut, Abbey, Ozzie and Lola. Those are just some of my fur-friends…for four-legged the list is toooooo long. I kinda like to put a smile on everyone’s face!!

What do you always say? Any phrases or quotes that are SO Ouie Pierre?
I coined the term “BOL” for “Bark Out Loud” for my Facebook posts.  And I usually sign everything “xx oop“–because our time is shorter here on Earth–we are generally here to share our love.

Favorites:

Musician?
I rode in the elevator with the wonderful Olivia Newton-John and Daddy recognized her by her voice…Daddy’s version of “I Honestly Love You” sounds nothing like hers.  She has a doggie, also!

I love to listen to old R &B with Daddy; Dee Dee Warwick, Loleatta Holloway, Esther Phillips, etc…I also have a lot of Laura Branigan, Lisa Stansfield, Tanita Tikaram, Wendy Matthews, and Ingrid Chavez on my iPod.

Television show?
Daddy says I love all the shows on the USA Network, but I think I generally sleep thru most of them.  That is, until a commercial with an animal in it comes on…then I am up and scratching and barking at the TV.  Gotta protect my home and my Daddies.

Minneapolis or St. Paul?
Oh, I love all the Twin Cities and surrounding ‘burbs.  But if I had to pick one, Minneapolis, of course; that is where I have my lifetime dog license.

Place to curl up and nap? 
If I cannot find some rays of sun in our house, then either of Daddies’ laps is a perfect alternative (it’s actually my first choice – but I gotta keep them in line).

Facebook or Twitter?

Both, actually!  I have been posting photos and giving birthday wishes on Facebook for a couple of years.  I’m just trying to get the hang of this Twitter thingy – good thing I have lots of free time during the day.

Sports Player? 
I met Christian Ponder in Uptown last summer–he is a handsome one!  I also met Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and he called me a little critter–a lion would be a little critter compared to him.  I also met some of the Vikings Cheerleaders and they were nice.

Psychic?
Ruth Lordan is a friend of Daddy’s and she comes over and we chat.  She re-iterates how much I love them.

TV personality?
Chris Shaffer from WCCO is a fun guy!! I got to be the “on the spot ” photo for Father’s Day one year.   His lovely wife Gloria brought their three daughters to hang out with me and now they have their very own cutie patootie puppy named Bailey.

Hobbies?
I enjoy going to the Room & Board Outlet almost every weekend.  My pal Marilyn has a bag of my treats in her pouch (“treats” again…I’m starting to think it’s really just my regular food).  I get lots of kisses and pets from all the great people who work there.

I also make my daddies go to Estate Sales (NOT garage sales…one daddy says there is a BIG difference) and I help sniff out great deals.  The Estate Sales people are always so sweet and say they look forward to seeing me!

I like to sit in my mesh tent and watch daddies play tennis.  I think at first they thought I would be the perfect candidate for fetching their errant balls.  We had a talk and now they just promise to try to play better since that was not going to work out for me–all that running and sweating and fetching.

What’s your life aspiration?
Everyday that I make sure my daddies start and end the day with a kiss and a smile lets me know I’m in the right place.  I tried out to be a Therapy Dog but the mean lady said I couldn’t pass because I would not lay down flat on command. Hey, I just don’t wanna do that stupid trick…oh, well.  I have visited a few nursing homes and hospitals on my own.  Old people are good scratchers, too!!!!

I also want to do more helping rescue dogs find homes.  I have a line of blank greeting cards that I have donated for fundraisers and raffles. There are so many wonderful four-leggers out there that need someone to love them–they just might end up rescuing you!

What’s on your bucket list?
I was friends on Facebook with a dog named Bingo in Canada who had a lick-it list…we sent him some local treats for him to enjoy.  I have had such fun adventures, I am grateful for all my time here, and just want to love love love!!  I just thought of one thing and that would be to find a cure for my allergies! Boy, that would be nice!  I guess retiring to Florida sounds fun, too!

Oh…and I am working to end black dog discrimination!!!!  Two of the local animal agencies always say black dogs can’t model–they don’t want a black dog…if only you were cream or blonde…too hard to light…well, my daddy says to rent a few more lights or hire any of these awesome photographers who were quite capable of taking my picture!!  I have been photographed by Nadav Kander, arguably one of the top shooters in the world–he has also photographed the President of the United States!! BOL and a SNAP.

What’s for supper?
Blue Buffalo Wild Salmon, I LOVE it!!  Yet, somehow, all the treats I get look and taste exactly like my dinner kibble. Hmmm. I smell something fishy here!

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by BD Portraits Photography Studio

Photo by Chad Holder

Photo by Chad Holder

Photo by Chad Holder

Photo by Chad Holder

Photo by George Caswell

Photo by George Caswell

Photo by Jim Gallop

Photo by Jim Gallop

Photo by Jim Gallop

Photo by Joe Michl

Photo by Joe Michl

Photo by Nadav Kander

Photo by Sharon Montrose

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Photo courtesy of Ouie Pierre

Lavender will run a Vet Q&A in our Pet Issues as well as online.  If you have a question you’d like answered by a Veterinarian, email it to editor@lavendermagazine.com.

Q: I was thinking of getting my dog a haircut but the cold temperatures worry me.  I’ve read that sometimes the length and difference between hair and fur might matter in how cold a dog gets. He only goes outside for walks and then spends the rest of the time indoors.  He’s getting a bit scraggly, so he’ll need a cut sooner than later.  Any advice?

A: It is important to continue grooming your dog through the winter months.  Dirty, matted hair is not just unsightly, it’s also uncomfortable and loses some of its ability to keep your dog warm.  Long hair on the feet can collect snow and retain ice-melt.  This can cause discomfort and cracking of the foot pads.  If your dog’s hair is not too matted, your groomer may be able to brush out the coat and trim the hair, leaving it longer than in the summer months.  If the matting cannot be brushed out, your dog will need a shorter cut.  For dogs who spend the vast majority of time indoors, this is not a problem.  There are many breeds of dogs who have very short coats (for example, dachshunds or weimaraners) who still enjoy short periods of outdoor time in winter.  If you plan on taking longer walks, or spending an extended time outdoors, consider a sweater and booties.  Dogs who spend the majority of their time outside should also continue to be groomed.  They should be brushed regularly to prevent matting, and bathed if the coat becomes dirty.  The coat should be allowed to dry thoroughly before being returned outdoors.

Q: My cat keeps licking her fur off her belly.  I’ve been looking into allergies and checking to see if her skin is okay there and everything looks fine.  Should I be worried or do you think this might just be something she does for a while and then stops?  Do cats have stress?

A: Whenever I see a cat who is licking off her fur, I immediately think of three things: fleas, allergies, and stress. The first thing to do is determine if your cat has fleas. This is especially important in cats who spend time outdoors. Comb the hair with a fine-toothed comb, looking for fleas and or flea “dirt” ( which actually is their droppings!). It does not take many fleas to cause itching, so they may be hard to find. If you find fleas, or see fine, black particles in the coat, call your veterinarian for advice on flea control.

Allergies are fairly common in cats. They can be caused by just about anything in the environment and can even be caused by a sensitivity to ingredients in food.  Allergies can cause hair loss, scabs, redness, and excessive grooming.  These symptoms can be seasonal or may be year-round.  If you suspect your cat has allergies, consult your veterinarian.  They may prescribe anti-histamines or corticosteroids to relieve symptoms, and may suggest a diet change.

Stress can also cause inappropriate obsessive grooming. You may simply see hair loss, but some cats will lick enough to cause abrasions. Hair loss from stress may be intermittent. If you suspect your cat suffers from stress, try to determine the cause. Has there been an addition to the household–feline, canine, or human? Has there been a change in the amount you interact with your cat? Are there outdoor cats contributing to stress levels? If you are not able to identify and correct the cause, consult your veterinarian to help rule out a medical cause. Some cats will require anti-anxiety medications to help them through a difficult time.

Q: I’m going to move in with my significant other who has a labrador.  We both have dogs, my terrier is six and the labrador is eight.  The terrier thinks he’s the boss but the labrador isn’t about to let the terrier be the boss of his territory.  How do we make this work?

A: Congratulations!  Combining canines can present a challenge, though the vast majority of dogs will work it out on their own.  Dogs are by nature pack animals and enjoy the company of other dogs, and, of course, their humans. They look to their leaders–that should be you and your partner–for cues on how to behave in a given situation.  If the pair are being aggressive toward one another, do not leave them unsupervised.  Crate them or leave them in separate rooms when you must be gone.  Make sure that you spend plenty of time with the dogs together.  Make their time together fun; go for long walks, play with new toys, etc.  Reinforce good behavior with praise and small food treats.  If play becomes too aggressive, have your dogs take a time-out until they are calm.  Leave leashes on both dogs if you are concerned they may end up in a fight.  Do not attempt to separate fighting dogs with your hands or you may very well be the one bitten!  Some situations are much more complex and require professional help.  Consult your veterinarian if you see no improvement in the situation.  They will have more specific advice for you or may refer you to a veterinary behaviorist for further assistance.  Good Luck!

Q:  My dog has bad breath.  What can I do at home to help?  How often should a dog’s teeth be cleaned?

A: Bad breath is an indicator that bacteria are growing in the plaque and/or calculus in the mouth.  Plaque is a thin film that naturally forms on teeth.  Bacteria begin to grow in the plaque, and along with the enzymes contained in saliva, cause the plaque to harden and form thicker and thicker deposits of calculus.  The best way to keep your dog’s mouth healthy is to daily remove plaque before it hardens to form calculus.  Brushing the teeth with a pet toothpaste is the most effective way to remove plaque.  These toothpastes come in several flavors, like chicken, beef, or seafood, and many pets look forward to having their teeth brushed.  If this is not possible, pet oral rinses are the next best thing.  Antibacterial and tartar control rawhide chews are also very helpful.  Dental diets contain abrasives to help reduce the amount of plaque and calculus buildup.  Despite your best efforts, calculus will eventually form in the mouth.  Deposits of calculus will cause recession of the gums and formation of pockets around the tooth roots if left unchecked.  These infected teeth are painful, and can lead to serious health problems.  A recent study showed that 80% of 3 year old dogs and cats had dental disease.  I recommend yearly evaluation of your dog’s teeth by a veterinarian. Most dogs and cats should have their teeth professionally cleaned at least once annually to remove calculus buildup, and evaluate the health of the teeth. X-rays of diseased teeth should be taken to determine a course of treatment. This will require general anesthesia to be done properly.  February is National Pet Dental Month.  Many veterinary clinics will have special promotions during this time.

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Dr. Dan Anderson has been practicing Veterinary Medicine since 1991 and can be found at Larpenteur Animal Hospital in St. Paul.  He has two chihuahuas, Edith and Olive.