Author: Andy Lien

In the publishing industry, we see all sorts of trends and headlines. We write them, too. We get to shape how information is shared while trying to be as nimble as possible. Print isn’t dead, we aren’t all paying to read content on the internet as was attempted, ad blocking software is getting pretty savvy, and Facebook requires us to pay for you to see our posts…kind of like putting money in a slot machine and pulling the arm to see how many of you might see something at a given time of any day. Okay, it’s a bit more reliable than that, but the payout is similar to most pulls of the one-armed bandit.

Lavender’s been steadfast in what we’ve offered and how we’ve offered it. We’ve had a usable and predictable website for years, our online magazine and its identical iPad/iPhone edition is free and easy to access, we don’t have ad popups that make you want to leave our site, and we try to share as much information as seems reasonable to our budget as a free publication on the pay-to-play sites like Facebook. But, as with most forms of marketing, promoting ourselves through our own methods that we control is one of the most effective ways to get information to you. Our website is our biggest promotional tool. Go there and you can find everything we’ve got. Period. How can we tell you about what’s on our website that’s more of a curated selection? We’ve now got an e-newsletter, Lavender Link, that I put together on a weekly basis that is driven by editorial content that is both in the issue and exclusive to just our website. It’s got both the usual events as well as featured events for you to consider. What you may not know as much about but is a pretty popular part of our website: we’ve got contests. Our contests might be a new Cyndi Lauper album (this past issue) or tableware or tickets to a show or, recently, an All-Clad Slow Cooker. We’re digging up free stuff for you all the time. And we’ll now be holding a drawing every two weeks for a $100 gift card to Target for those who’ve signed up for our e-newsletter, Lavender Link. Sign up, get the curated list of the latest stories from me, and get your name in for the gift cards…you’ll only be ineligible once you’ve won. So, get in there and get winning (www.lavendermagazine.com/resources/subscribe-to-lavender-link-weekly-newsletter).

Thank you for being part of our steadfast readership as we navigate the publishing industry to best serve you. We’re not in this for the clickbait, our mission to serve comes directly from one of our meetings the other day (and our very beginning in 1995) and I am very proud of it.

With you, with thanks, and with your next e-newsletter,
Andy

I was recently asked to speak at a meeting of a gay-straight alliance at Capitol Hill Gifted and Talented Magnet School in St. Paul. GSAs play such an integral role in providing safe spaces for support and exchanges of information for students and I was thrilled that I was asked. What threw me off a little was that it was my nephew who was asking and he’s in 7th grade. He’s a proud ally who’s proud to have an aunt in this role for this community and I jumped at the chance to meet his group. Though my school didn’t have one out in the cornfield between Dassel and Cokato just west of the Twin Cities, I joined a GSA the moment I got to college. But middle schoolers? With a GSA? This is a brave new world and I am so happy to be a part of it.

The name of their group is GLOW, “Gay, Lesbian or Whatever.” And I love them for that openness and casual flair. Instead of a gay-straight alliance, they refer to it as a “gender sexuality alliance,” which is more inclusive. Each session begins with the students bringing up a “Big Gay Moment” that they may have experienced in the past week. That day, they ranged from someone seeing a bumper sticker about love, to a girl’s sister getting “gay engaged,” to another girl coming out to her mother. I fought to maintain composure as this young woman said that her coming out to her mother was a little deflated because her mother already knew since she’d seen the daughter fill out a form the week before at the doctor’s office that asked for her to specify her sexuality. Everyone was so happy for her and I wanted to give her a huge hug and maybe have a parade in the hallway, but I kept it together and was in silent awe of this whole sharing session, these kids, their stories, and their lives.

We only had a short amount of time to talk, so I tried to race through things like my background, what my education and preparation has been for this job, and the history of Lavender Media, which is a daunting task that’s pretty high-context. Looking around the group of about 35 kids all eating their lunches during this time of voluntary togetherness over their lunch period, I could see that I probably didn’t need to fill in too many gaps about what definitions are, as I could guess that much of the community was represented, especially since this particular sub-community was gay, lesbian, or whatever. They were questioning and they were curious. So I tried to give half the time we had to questions that had both been written the week before as well as had popped into their minds as I was talking and showing them some magazines. And, let me tell you, the question and answer period is where I was able to see their minds working and processing and opening and moving us all forward, the shifts seemed seismic to me at the time. Our future. Right there.

What’d they want to know? A lot. But the most commonly asked question was whether or not Lavender gets “a lot of hate.” Do people send in hate mail? Do they leave nasty comments? Are we the recipients of disapproval? I was relieved to truthfully report that no, we don’t get any hate. If it’s an indication that things do “get better,” I’m happy to give them that glimpse into our reality. And, especially for those who find this group to provide “lots of security” as “one of the only places that I can really be myself” as mentioned on a comment card from a student, I want to assure them that there are more public places out there where they are welcome and can find the same support as they get in that classroom every Thursday in St. Paul.

I know that this group is one of many that exists in the Twin Cities and that fact makes me extremely happy. When I asked about how it was formed, it’s apparently a process that depends on how open the specific schools may be to taking a bit of a risk in allowing such a group to exist, considering that parents may or may not be supportive of their children having access to such information or content. So, what I’ll do in the upcoming Pride Issue is include a piece on how students and parents can work with teachers, staff, and schools to form a gay-straight alliance. Seeing how hungry these kids were for knowledge and understanding that they give up their lunchtime to be there for themselves and each other gives me great hope that this old-fashioned consciousness-raising is raising a new generation that finds tolerance as native to their beings as all this technology that they seem to inherently know and understand. We need to make more spaces and more lunch hours and more resources available in schools. Now.

Thank you, members of GLOW, for inviting me in and teaching me so much. I am proud to now know you.

With you and with thanks,
Andy

In a magazine dedicated to talking about Sports & Fitness, I find myself at a loss to not recoil at the thought of participating in an organized sport or working out at a gym. Athletics and exercise are daunting for those of us who haven’t yet found physical fitness and sports to be welcoming as a concept or a practice. But, worse, the barriers to accessing these spaces and activities are too great. The stigmas I have to jump over as hurdles are too high. The clubs and locker rooms are mine fields. The private is public and I choose not to accept those conditions.

I’m overweight. It’s a body type that has always existed but has been vilified and othered only in modern times, as the number of overweight people has risen while the cultural acceptance of overweight people has seen a steady declension. While I understand that there is great resistance to drawing comparisons between the struggles of people in different groups, being overweight has given me insight into the challenges faced by people who are transgender and gender non-conforming, as well as great empathy. There are a number of comparisons between being overweight and being a person who is transitioning into a gender that matches their identity: our bodies are different from the norm, we are hoping to “pass” and be seen as just one of the crowd of our peers, and our mere existence threatens the rules and codification of the gendered binary that seems to hold our heteronormative world together. We don’t fit the strict definitions of what our culture wants to be dominant, based on what we see presented in the media, which constitutes only about five percent of the world’s body types: lean, white, and fit. Not too much body hair, not too big or small of breasts, not too small of penis, not too short of neck, no rolls, no redheads, no cellulite, or flabby arms.

No five o’clock shadow on the face or five-month shadow in the armpits. For women. And men who’ve transitioned to be women. And queer people who are forced into picking a gender based on which door they walk through. And maybe the men should trim up to a certain point, too, while we’re at it. We are policing our bodies and each other’s bodies and we are suffering for it.

This idea of “passing” is something that a great number of people who fit the gender binary (women being feminine, men being masculine) adhere to and strive to stay within, something that doesn’t help those of us who are on the fringes. It’s a club whose members might both effortlessly fit into by virtue of being born with genes that fit the dominant culture, as well as those who torture themselves in order to maintain the guidelines that they see are constricting and choking, but lend order to their world and how they see it. People who are considered to be “passing” might do so at great risk to themselves and their health.

It’s a bunch of bullshit.

How is this bullshit most grossly enforced? By making people bare themselves in restrooms and locker rooms.

Take my example of being outside the norm by being overweight and expand the experience to include people who are transitioning, or have transitioned, to their authentic gender. Consider people who identify as queer and eschew gender definitions and limitations. Think about those of us who don’t want to fit into what a “woman” or a “man” are supposed to look like (and, depending on who you ask, plenty of recent versions of what “woman” represents would mean that we shouldn’t even be working out or playing sports, so kiss that Title IX goodbye). People are putting themselves at risk when they enter into such spaces where vulnerability has higher positioning than empowerment, no matter who we are or what we look like. The problem isn’t who’s going into the spaces. The problems are, simply, the spaces, first, and the expectations within them, second. This applies to both locker rooms and restrooms with both spaces having their own unique conditions and challenges to do such basic things: bodily functions and preparations.

Being a women’s, gender, and sexuality studies major, people often ask me what “gender studies” is, with good reason. Here’s a great example. If you compare the conditions of restrooms for men and women, there is a stark double-standard against men that our society has internalized and codified as acceptable. Women, apparently having more of a need and requirement for privacy (or safety if we’re talking about women naturally being the prey of men who are predators, another horrific standard that some people have internalized), have private stalls in which to use the same toilet they would at home, under the same circumstances that they would use it in the safety and privacy of where they live.

Men, on the other hand, are required and expected to use the restroom without private spaces, getting a trough or a urinal — two fixtures that had to be invented and manufactured by the plumbing industry for this purpose — and have to actually disrobe and bare the parts of themselves that we have deemed to be private in our culture. This double-standard is an incredible disconnect. We tell children that they have private parts that only they have control over; that nobody should ask to see or touch what has been deemed private. We tell them that, as they grow up, they can determine who has access to their private parts in terms of intimacy and sexuality. But then we tell boys that they don’t get to have that privacy in restrooms. That we’ve designed spaces and actually invented items to be manufactured that create restrooms in which men are required to dehumanize themselves as they publicly perform their basic, private functions multiple times a day. That, my friends, is why “gender studies” exists: to identify and call out discrimination based on gender.

As I’ve been asking the question of why haven’t we talked about the actual problems in the state of public restrooms, the fact that we require men to be treated so differently than women, plenty of men have expressed that they are not supportive of this double-standard. We should address this problem as one that is actual, rather than one that has been invented for an election year.

Really, consider recent history of what’s happened when legislators have tried to curtail the rights of members of this community in terms of marriage legislation. The community rejected that proposed discriminatory legislation and went so far as to push and secure those rights as law. In the case of transgender rights and who’s allowed in which private spaces, what are the possible outcomes here? First of all, people are definitely waking up to the fact that such proposed legislation scares a large number of people who will now be propelled to the ballot boxes on Election Day; a ruse that needs to be called out as often as possible. By making transgender people into something they’re not, whether they be framed as predators or oddities or new-fangled fads, they have been turned into a political strategy; invented as a new monster in this current wave of propaganda.

This concocted threat of transgender people requiring legislation to keep them out of restrooms and locker rooms of their chosen gender needs to be shot down as a non-issue. In reality, we need to protect our transgender friends, family members, and people we’ve never even met from the people who want to restrict their rights and actually make them less safe, less human. Second, an outcome could actually be a push for restroom and locker room reform. You want safe and secure private spaces in restrooms? We need to expand that to include everyone, which means that this culture needs to stop discriminating against men. How realistic is it to say that a next step could be the redesign and reconstruction of all restrooms to have private spaces for toilets, removing the exposed urinals and troughs? Well, it’d be a great expense, but it wouldn’t be actually inventing devices for a problem that didn’t exist, like was done with urinals and troughs. And, in a crass way, it’d create jobs for such reform. Do I think it’s a realistic outcome? I don’t know. But my gender studies heart says it’d be a correct and just outcome.

No matter what the outcomes may possibly be, as with the fight for marriage equality, this is where we need to find empathy. I don’t offer up my stories of woe about being overweight in a locker room in order to compare and determine who’s suffered more, I offer them as a means of indicating that I can empathize with being an outsider. And I can empathize with having to do certain things to try to conform to at least some of the standards of “femininity” that people who are transitioning to being female have to now consider, thanks to the gender binary. And I can empathize with men who are being forced to do something private in a dehumanizing and public way, because I see it now and have named it. And I am sorry that these are our conditions.

We do not have to accept them. But, before we revolutionize the restrooms and locker rooms of the world, we should first band together to fight the people who want to make the conditions in such places even worse, even tighter, even more restricted and dehumanizing. Please find how you can also empathize with the people who actually are at risk: those who are forced or expected to conform to conditions that they don’t find acceptable, whether they be men using restrooms without privacy, people who don’t look like they “belong” in a locker room, and people who don’t conform to their original gender at birth.

Be vigilant, respectful, and protective of each other.

With you and with love,
Andy

This Restaurant Edition hits some high points for this community, shining a light on what the data shows to be quite popular with our readership: nonprofits, new restaurants, and the arts. That we can hit a great food-oriented fundraising event for people living with HIV/AIDS, some new places to find fantastic food, and our dynamic drag queen brunches in one issue is sheer delight for me. When I travel to other areas and markets to become acquainted with some of what their GLBTA communities embrace and champion, I can usually find the fundraisers and cuisine, but I’ve got to say that we’ve got an amazing drag scene here in Minneapolis and St. Paul. Whether we’re talking drag queens or kings, the options we have for that segment of art and entertainment are enviable. I hope you enjoy this issue as much as we enjoyed putting it together.

On the topic of food, I’d also like to ask for your input and assistance. Lavender Media is producing videos of recipes now. I know I’m not alone in that I tend to go catatonic as I’m scrolling through Facebook on my phone and I see a video showing food prep in my feed…they’re enchanting, they make my mouth water, and they help me with meal planning, no lie. So, as we move into producing these, please go check out what we’ve already done (my disembodied hands are very recognizable, I’m told) on Facebook in our videos section, on our website under the Recipes & Cooking tab, or on Vimeo when you search for Lavender Magazine. Then, if you have a recipe that you’d like to see featured or produced, send it to me at [email protected] with a little blurb about what it means to you and we’ll choose a few to produce as videos and publish in the Pride Issue. Please put “Pride Recipe” in the subject line. I can’t wait to see what you’ve got!

With you and with thanks,
Andy

Looking at this 2016 Spring Wedding Issue, what came to mind right away is the theme “Modern Love.” That we lost the singer of the song, dear David Bowie, recently only makes it more apropos. His song could be considered to be more of a negative take on weddings and getting to the church on time, or it could be just leaving everything up to interpretation, which is how weddings are usually best executed. How do I interpret the concept of modern love for the purpose of this wedding issue? Modern love includes people, fashion, florals, food, drink, photographers, and events that are now. And now is all about letting us define ourselves and where we fit into the world. It’s a post-marriage equality world, by definition, and we’re still striving to make it fit for each of us, regardless of relationship status, on our terms…for ourselves and for each other.

Spring is always the big time of year for wedding issues. I like to be sure we do a special feature that showcases some of our important new and emerging wedding vendors and venues in this issue, this time in a brand new space called Paikka in St. Paul. Nestled into a space that is adjacent to Lake Monster Brewing, this space is modern in its rustic repurposing. Taking what’s old to be new again is very now. Very appreciated. Very open to interpretation, which is the venue owners’ goal for this space: to leave you to decide how you want to use it for what you envision as your special day.

Given the parameters of spring and summer as the time period within the year of 2016, important and modern concepts must include where the food might be sourced and how the waste is handled. Not sexy concepts, but extremely relevant ones. Common Roots not only comes to mind as a caterer with tasty and attractive food, but also as one that is environmentally conscientious. Then, as the perfect follow-up to a delicious summer meal, I wanted desserts that will cool us down while also being natural and health-conscious. On one of the hottest nights last summer, I found salvation in a Strawberry Balsamic Basil ice lolly by Frio Frio at the Little Mekong Night Market in St. Paul. Around the same time, I had my first ice cream mini by Sweet Science at the Brave New Workshop, which was most definitely a gateway mini and I’m never going back to the way it was before that salted caramel cup of goodness. Both were shoo-ins for what to suggest to this audience as clever alternatives to wedding cake (though I would never kick cake out of my bed for leaving crumbs).

Fashion and florals are the steady components of wedding issues, but how they’re done is always evolving. Luna Vinca is a long-standing florist that gave us a modern take on natural elements, incorporating lichen and geometric shapes into bouquet inspirations. Flutter Boutique is giving us what is now, not what was then. When I asked what the trends are as we were pulling gowns, we passed on some gorgeous dresses that aren’t in the now for ones that showcase beading, lace, and even some higher necklines. Then, for the suits, though Milbern has been around for a very long time, they’re current on what works — and works in a budget — for 2016, which is trending away from suit rentals and toward ownership for both men and women. I trust what they say and want to pass that trust and transparency to the readership as something we value now. Today. And always.

To fill in the cast of characters for the fashion element in the feature, I was drawn to people who define themselves on their own terms in our community every day, night, and weekend. In the past, I’ve used models for these fashion features, who’ve been lovely and wonderful. But, last year, I started incorporating real couples from our community that have real relationships and history with each other, something that I made into my primary goal for this issue. You can see the connections between them, caught in the photography. With that in mind, I immediately thought of Zsuzsi Bork and her fiancée, Cheena Gorzalski, as well as Oliver Sharp and his boyfriend, Bryce Laine. These are beloved people in the community, something that was abundantly clear as I posted snapshots of the photo shoot in my Facebook feed and the likes and loves for the photos kept my phone notifications active for days. Zsuzsi and Cheena are also known as Xavier, drag performer as well as producer of Dragged Out at the Town House, and Nadi A’marena, burlesque performer and member of The Vigilantease Collective. Oliver and Bryce can be found at two of our favorite bars, The Saloon and Tattersall Distilling, respectively, and Oliver also is well-known as Harrie Bradshaw, a bearded drag queen with legs for days and sass to boot. These couples and who they are to us round out what modern love is and can be, progressive and self-defined.

Not as obvious in front of the camera as behind the scenes are Brett Dorrian and Heidi Garrido. Brett of Brett Dorrian Artistry Studios is my go-to when I think of styling as well as someone who knows the community and the aesthetics and issues that affect the ease and comfort of same-sex weddings. She walks into any situation and infuses it with a level of comfort and expertise that is required for modern weddings in this day and age. And then there’s Heidi of HM Photography who photographed this extensive feature in this issue, who’s been here for the community for years and years, fighting for marriage equality, photographing parades, and being the photographer for the wedding tent at Twin Cities Pride. She’s down to earth and here to make your vision appear in her photography.

As for the rest of the issue, there’s more modern to go around. A new book covers What To Do When Your Gay or Lesbian Child Marries. No, it’s not a new trend, marriages and partnerships have been happening throughout all time. But the difference is that this book actually uses data that’s been gathered since marriage equality has been enacted. The results are in. The conclusions are current. The advice is applicable now. And is open to our interpretation.

As for our engagement and wedding stories, the lovers are walking this world with us, going where we go, liking what we like, incorporating our pop culture that is now. Their thoughts and experiences resonate with us. And, the accompanying imagery fits. These are the photographers you want now. Eliesa Johnson of Photogen Inc is hotter than ever in both regional and national magazines and I still show off the 2013 Spring Wedding Issue that she shot for us as a showpiece of what Lavender has done. Melissa Hesse of Rivets & Roses gave us great insight into how to hire a photographer for this community’s somewhat-new and sometimes-sensitive weddings in the 2015 Fall Wedding Issue and not only can she shoot some gorgeous events, she knows what she’s talking about.

Most of all, we want you to know what you’re talking about. We want this to be your resource for ideas and inspiration. Now and in the future.

My heartfelt thanks goes to each person who made this wedding issue what it is and what it stands for as a snapshot of what Modern Love looks like in 2016. We’re still writing history. And I’m proud that you’re a part of it, whether you’re in the pages or reading them.

With you and with thanks,
Andy